You’ve discovered that your teenager has been using drugs. You most likely have a strong desire to confront your teen, harnessing your parental authority to reprimand their behavior. Being teenagers, they’ll likely meet your threats and demands with equal resistance and a passionate assurance that you have no idea what it’s like to be them. This argument could go on for hours but, in truth, there’s no productive resolution here.
Don’t give up hope.
It’s completely normal for any teen to naturally push their parents away, especially when drugs are involved. If there’s any hope in getting through to your child, you’ll need to approach the situation delicately.
Your first step should be a casual, empathetic conversation, realizing that your teen is probably just as frightened as you are. Choose a non-threatening environment, like a restaurant or a park. Remain calm as you address your concerns, asking questions to learn and understand the thinking behind their decisions. If you are met with resistance and defensive anger, move on from the discussion, making sure not to escalate the situation further.
If you’re not having any luck with this approach, your next step should be organizing a formal intervention.
When planning an intervention for your teen, it’s important to have a plan. Don’t just round up every friend and neighbor and corner your child in their bedroom. Below are a few considerations to be made in advance that will increase the likelihood of your message being received.
Similar to your first attempt, choose a location that’s comfortable, private, and non-threatening. If possible, try to stage your intervention outside of the home, like at a friend or relative’s house.
Who To Include
Invite close friends and family members who have been impacted by your child’s behaviors. Think about including influential figures in your child’s life, such as coaches, pastors, or other mentor-like figures who may be willing to participate.
Know The Facts
Before the intervention, do some research to learn how addiction is treated and what the recovery process looks like. Keep in mind that your teen is likely scared of what may happen during treatment, and you should be prepared to address the concerns they have.
Participants should share how they’ve been affected by the child’s behavior, making sure to use “I feel” statements. Make sure to keep the conversation centered around how you and others have been hurt without pointing fingers and making your teen feel guilty or defensive.
Be Tough, But Loving
Lay out what is going to change if your child does not agree to treatment. Explain that privileges, such as vehicle use, allowance, cell phone, etc., will be withheld until they agree to get help.
None of your threats will hold any merit without your commitment to follow through. Don’t let your teen convince you to make exceptions; stand firm in your decisions.
Throughout the intervention process, stress your desire for your child to get treatment. If they agree, at any point, immediately take them to a predetermined treatment facility. If you can, review the treatment center’s guide regarding “what to bring” and have a bag packed for your child in advance.
If your teen walks out of the intervention, or consistently refuses to get help, end the intervention. For now, stick to the consequences you outlined earlier, and begin planning for another intervention.
Don’t be discouraged if your attempts fail the first few times. In many cases, it can take several conversations to get the response you would like. Be persistent, but don’t push too hard. Sometimes a little patience will go a long way.