Updated and Fact-checked June 2024 by: Christine Zambos, LMFT
Update list:
- Rewrote sections to include research-based consequences of putting too much pressure to teens.
- Added new studies supporting our approach
- Added a new Parent’s guide
A healthy relationship with your kid has a lasting impact on their physical and emotional health. It nurtures their well-being and lays a foundation for future relationships. Having expectations and wanting to see your child successful is normal for parents.
Nevertheless, there are instances when the demands parents place on their children do not match their child’s own desires. While parents are typically motivated by good intentions, they may occasionally place excessive expectations on their children to succeed.
Overly high expectations and increased pressure cause kids to measure their self-worth based only on their achievements. When they fail to meet these expectations, they run the risk of developing a negative perspective about themselves and mental health problems.
When the focus of a parent and child relationship centers around how well the child performs, this can cause resentment as a teenager—potentially damaging your relationship
Effects of Too Much Pressure
If your kiddo feels like they are under constant pressure to perform a certain way (e.g. in school, or sports), it can damage their mental and even physical health. Let’s look at some consequences of too much pressure.
Mental Health Problems
Kids with increased pressure have higher stress levels and higher chances of developing mental health problems such as anxiety or depression. Studies have shown too much academic pressure in kids is reported as the number one external influence on developing anxiety and other mental health problems. In severe situations, this could lead to self-harm or suicide attempts.
Risk of Drug Use
Extreme pressure can cause kids, particularly teens, to use drugs such as weed or alcohol to relax and escape negative feelings from increased pressure. Excessive academic pressure can lead to the use of stimulants (“study drugs”) for better performance.
Cheating
When the focus is on achievement (e.g. high grades, straight As), kids may be more likely to cheat in order to meet those expectations.
Not Participating
If the goal is to be the best rather than to enjoy the experience, they may lose interest in the activities or sports they are involved in—leading them to give up participation altogether.
Sleep Disturbances
Kiddoss with increased parental pressure may neglect their sleep to stay up studying. If they are having feelings of anxiety from meeting such high expectations, this could also keep them up at night.
Low Self-Esteem
If kids learn to measure their self-worth only by what they achieve, this could decrease self-esteem and leave them feeling like they are never good enough.
Risk of Physical Injury
For kiddos under athletic or dance performance pressure, there is a higher risk of injury if they ignore their pain or are simply told to “toughen up” or “grit your teeth”.
What Parents Can Do
It’s understandable to want your child to succeed in life, but be mindful that increased pressure during development can put them under stress and increase the risk of them developing mental health problems.
Every family has different cultures, values and perspectives of success. Perhaps your child doesn’t share the same perspective as you about what success means.
For some, success is defined as gaining admission to a renowned institution, pursuing a high-status job, and accumulating wealth. Others may define success as engaging in activities that bring them joy, prioritizing quality time with loved ones, and maintaining good health.
Parents should motivate their children to give their best efforts, but prioritizing the process, rather than the final outcome. They should also acknowledge their child’s feelings and offer encouragement during times of stress or mistakes, instead of simply urging them to improve or do more.
What Society Can Do
Unfortunately, this problem of unrealistic expectations is not just a problem for kids. It is not just parents who need to relieve some of the pressure. Society needs to move in a direction of “enoughness”.
The culture of comparing and competing is unhealthy, leading to increased pressure not only on kids but on everyone. People could benefit from taking a step back, slowing down and practicing a little gratitude.
Society rewards people for over-exerting themselves, which reinforces burnout and increases mental health problems. It would be helpful to people of all ages if we re-evaluated as a society our perception of success and fostered a more self-compassionate culture.
Sources
Steare, Thomas. (2023). The association between academic pressure and adolescent mental health problems: A systematic review. Journal of Affective Disorders.
Originally from the Saginaw, Eagle Mountain area, Austin Davis earned a Bachelor of Science in Pastoral Ministry from Lee University in Cleveland, TN and a Master of Arts in Counseling from The Church of God Theological Seminary. He then went on to become a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor in the State of Texas.
Austin’s professional history includes both local church ministry and clinical counseling. At a young age, he began serving youth at the local church in various capacities which led to clinical training and education. Austin gained a vast knowledge of mental health disorders while working in state and public mental health hospitals. This is where he was exposed to almost every type of diagnosis and carries this experience into the daily treatment.
Austin’s longtime passion is Clearfork Academy, a christ-centered residential facility focused on mental health and substance abuse. He finds joy and fulfillment working with “difficult” clients that challenge his heart and clinical skill set. It is his hope and desire that each resident that passes through Clearfork Academy will be one step closer to their created design.
Austin’s greatest pleasures in life are being a husband to his wife, and a father to his growing children. He serves at his local church by playing guitar, speaking and helping with tech arts. Austin also enjoys being physically active, reading, woodworking, and music.
