How To Deal With A Difficult Teenager and Help Them?

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The teen years are a difficult developmental period characterized by biological changes, social transitions, and identity exploration. Teens may challenge authority as they try to gain independence or experience mood swings caused by surging hormones. All of which can be difficult behaviors to manage as a parent. 

For teens who struggle with underlying mental health problems, they may exhibit more difficult behaviors such as substance abuse, self-harm, aggressive outbursts or even vandalism that put themselves or others at risk.

Read on to understand red flag behaviors of mental health problems in teens and strategies to manage these behavioral problems.  

Understanding Red Flag Behaviors in Teens 

Certain behaviors go above and beyond typical difficulties parents may encounter in the teen years. Recognizing these is important to understand if your teen is struggling with an underlying mental health problem or needs support [1] [2]. 

  • Risky or reckless behavior that goes beyond normal or healthy risk-taking. This includes drug or alcohol use, skipping school, reckless driving, or unprotected sex. 
  • Mood swings that are intense, frequent and often long in duration or impair other areas of a teen’s life. 
  • Drastic changes in appetite such as sudden loss of appetite, refusal to eat, or binge eating. 
  • Disturbed sleep includes trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, waking up through the night, having nightmares or struggling to wake up in the morning. 
  • Decline in personal hygiene and failing to practice basic self-care tasks such as brushing their teeth or showering.  
  • Legal trouble and breaking the law which could include stealing, vandalism, getting into fights or harassing others.  
  • Self-harm which can be direct (cutting or burning themselves) or indirect (substance abuse, eating disorders, getting themselves in dangerous situations).
  • Thoughts of suicide or consistently talking about death and dying. This could also include making a suicide plan or suddenly giving away important belongings.  

Is It A Warning Sign of A Mental Health Problem? 

It’s very likely that the negative behavior your teen is participating in is caused by an underlying mental health problem. According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 7 teens suffers from a diagnosed mental health disorder that impacts their daily functioning [3]. 

Some mental health disorders in teens and associated behaviors include: 

Depression Social isolation, neglecting daily responsibilities or self-care, irritability or angry outbursts, self-harm, substance abuse 
Anxiety Increased irritability, withdrawal from group activities, academic decline such as failing grades or skipping school, use of drugs and alcohol to self-medicate 
Trauma and PTSD Reckless behavior with a lack of regard for safety such as driving irresponsibly or unprotected sex, irritability or aggression, conflict in relationships, substance abuse, self-harm
Attention-Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) Getting distracted in class, interrupting others, aggressive outbursts
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Argumentative, severe anger, lack of respect for authority. Similar to Conduct Disorder but with less intensity 
Conduct Disorder (CD)  Aggression, refusal to follow rules, frequent fights with teachers, parents or other authority figures, vandalism, theft

Strategies for Handling Difficult Teens 

There are several ways parents can handle difficult behaviors in their teens to support their health and safety. 

Stay Calm and Collected 

Difficult teens may push your buttons and consistently challenge you on things as they try and gain independence. In some cases, teens are hoping to get a negative reaction out of you. They may do this by teasing, disobeying, not listening, talking back, rule-breaking or throwing temper tantrums. The more reactive, angry or upset you become, the more your teen will think they hold power over you. 

It’s important to stay calm and keep your cool. The less emotionally reactive you are, the more you can use objective judgement on how to handle your teen and the situation. If your teen is pushing your buttons, consider taking space from them for a few minutes to cool down, counting to 10 and taking deep breaths. 

Set Boundaries 

It’s important to respect your teen’s privacy and journey to independence. However, they are not adults and still require structure. It’s important to establish clear boundaries or rules for your teen about what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. Rules should be fair, reasonable and can be applied consistently when needed. 

Teens may try to test your boundaries, especially if they don’t understand them or if the consequences aren’t enforced or communicated clearly. Explain to your teen that following rules is an important trait to have and something that even as adults one must do (e.g. following the law or following rules in the work place). 

Educate Yourself on Teen Mental Health 

Teens who exhibit difficult behavior are often struggling with stress or an underlying mental health problem. It’s important to remember that negative behavior in teens does not represent a character flaw or that they are simply a “bad kid”. Some resources to learn more about teen mental health problems include:

Open and Effective Communication

Teens who have higher levels of trust and open communication with their parents are more likely to come to them or listen to their advice during challenging situations. This may include having open conversations in the home about mental health, drug use, sex or other taboo topics.

It also includes using effective communication skills during moments of tension or difficult behavior. It may be tempting to yell at your teen to “STOP!”, but often times these kind of responses may worsen the situation. Consider using assertive, yet empathetic phrases with your teen that show them you care about what they are going through. 

Some of these may include: 

  • “What’s going on? Why are you acting this way?”
  • “I can see why you’re angry/sad/upset etc”
  • “Let’s take a few minutes to calm down and then talk about what’s on your mind?”
  • “What do you need from me that will help you calm down so we can figure out this problem?” 

Encourage Your Teen to Practice Healthy Coping Skills 

When teens are coping negatively with stress, mental health problems or life transitions, they are more likely to act out in unhealthy or unsafe ways. Encourage your teen to practice healthy ways to relieve stress, and model what that looks like for them. Some ideas include:

  • Listening to music
  • Going on a walk, run or hike 
  • Having someone they trust they can call and confide in during times of need 
  • Playing with their pet 
  • Watching an episode of their favorite series 
  • Making art, dancing or cooking 
  • Taking a bath or shower 
  • Yoga and deep breathing 

Supporting Teen Mental Health in Texas 

At Clearfork Academy, our team of licensed mental health professionals understands the complex nature of how mental health problems can influence difficult behavior in teens. We offer comprehensive treatments to help teens break maladaptive thinking patterns and build positive coping strategies to increase successful mental health outcomes. 

Contact our admissions team today to see how we can support your teen.

Sources 

[1] The Current Landscape of Adolescent Risk Behavior. 2019. National Library of Medicine. 

[2] Direct and indirect forms of non-suicidal self-injury: evidence for a distinction. 2012. National Library of Medicine. 

[3] Mental health of Adolescents. 2024. World Health Organization. 

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