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Raising teen girls today comes with unique challenges, and the words we use play a significant role in shaping their confidence, self-worth, and mental health. During adolescence, teens are particularly sensitive to language from parents, caregivers, trusted adults, and peers. Compassionate conversations with your daughter boost her confidence and strengthen emotional resilience, while negative phrases have been linked to emotional harm.
Read on to see phrases to avoid when communicating with your teenage daughter, and more compassionate alternatives to use.
Why Words Matter During The Teenage Years
Words matter during the teen years because this is when teens are developing and building their identities and perspectives of the world. Teens are susceptible to words from parents or trusted authority figures such as teachers, coaches, or mentors. Words can reinforce harmful, underlying thoughts or negative stereotypes about oneself.
Both positive and negative words can shape how teen girls view themselves, their relationships, and others. Negative words have been found to release stress hormones and activate fear centers in the brain, reducing cognitive abilities and increasing problems such as anxiety. Positive language has been found to strengthen their sense of self [1].
Phrases That Can Harm Your Daughter’s Self-Worth
There are some phrases more commonly used by teen girls than teen boys that are often not meant to be intentionally hurtful, but can have underlying messages that reinforce harmful stereotypes about teen girls and women.
The phrases listed below can contribute to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and self-harm. They can also undermine teen girls’ confidence and discourage them from participating in leadership, sports, or academics.
Sexualizing, Body Shaming, and Self-Esteem
Teen girls are increasingly sexualized, often seen for their sexual appeal rather than their full personhood. This is common in media, advertising, fashion, and especially social media.
The American Psychological Association reports that sexualization and body shaming reduce the confidence of girls and contribute to mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders [2]. Some common, yet harmful, phrases that can sexualize, shame, or impact the self-esteem of teen girls include:
- “You’re not wearing that, are you?”
- “You’re too fat/skinny”
- “Boys only want one thing from you.”
- “You’d be prettier if you ___”
Undermining Intelligence
Despite strong academic achievement, with teen girls having higher GPAs on average than boys, their intelligence is often undermined due to deeply rooted stereotypes [3]. Common phrases that teen girls hear that can undermine intelligence and self-worth include:
- “Girls are bad with money.”
- “Girl math” (internet slang used to describe someone bad with money, math, or finances)
- “You’re just lucky, not talented.”
Overparentified and Dysfunctional Family Roles
Girls are often socialized to be nurturing, responsible, and caretakers, so families naturally delegate parent-like responsibilities to them, such as caring for siblings, doing chores, and providing emotional support to parents.
Teen girls who experience overparentification often have increased rates of emotional exhaustion, anxiety, depression, and they struggle setting boundaries [4]. Some phrases that female teenagers might hear when overparentified in a dysfunctional family role include:
- “You’re so mature for your age.”
- “You’re like a second parent.”
- “You’re the responsible one, not your brother.”
- “Your siblings are relying on you.”
How To Talk To Your Teenage Daughter With Compassion
Talking to female teenagers is different from talking to males. Teen girls often respond more to empathy, validation, active listening, and compassion. Below are a few ways to speak to your daughter with compassion so she can grow into her best self.
Actively listen
Give her your full attention, listening to her needs and concerns. Make eye contact, ask engaging questions (without prying), and show genuine interest. Avoid interrupting or immediately offering solutions; just listen and validate.
Positive affirmations
Positive affirmations for teen girls can reinforce positive or helpful stereotypes about themselves and foster healthy identity growth. Affirmations for teen girls that provide validation, support, and encouragement include:
- “I’m proud of you/how hard you are working”.
- “You are smart and capable.”
- “Your worth is not just about how you look.”
- “You are learning and growing; it’s okay to make mistakes.”
- “You deserve relationships that feel safe and supportive
- “Your body is not an object.”
- “You are full of potential and can do hard things.”
Acknowledge Emotions
Don’t dismiss your teenage girl or label them with terms like “too sensitive” or “overly emotional”, even if they are overreacting at the moment. Teen girls struggle with mood changes during puberty and are often learning to regulate their emotions. Instead of minimizing emotions with language such as “You’re overreacting”, consider a few affirming statements instead, such as:
- “Your feelings are valid.”
- “It’s okay to feel heavy emotions.”
- “That sounds like a tough situation. I understand why you’re feeling this way.”
Model Self-Compassion
Teens are constantly watching and listening to the adults in their lives, learning through observation. Speak kindly about yourself, your skills, and your work because your daughter learns from your example. Have an open dialogue with her about challenges you have overcome, and how you cope with setbacks or stress. Emphasize the importance of learning, growing, and overcoming mistakes, rather than perfectionism.
Support Autonomy and Safe Decision Making
Finding a balance between allowing your teen to be more independent while still watching out for their safety can be difficult, but not impossible. Allow your daughter to make age-appropriate choices that encourage decision-making skills, problem-solving, and foster her autonomy. Use statements that boost her confidence about the decisions she makes, such as “I trust you can handle this” or “I believe you know the right thing to do”.
Rebuild Trust and Connection with Your Daughter at Clearfork
Clearfork Academy is a network of behavioral health facilities in Texas committed to helping teens recover from behavioral addictions, substance abuse, and mental health disorders. Our licensed and accredited facilities are dedicated to providing comprehensive, evidence-based care and education for parents and caregivers of youth.
We have an all-girls campus located in Cleburne that is dedicated to providing tailored care to teen girls in need of comprehensive support. Our compassionate team of mental health and substance abuse counselors focuses on building confidence in teen girls with behavioral therapies, group support, skill-building activities, and activities that empower their long-term success.
If your daughter is struggling with her self-worth and mental health, contact our admissions team today to understand how we can support her and your family.
Sources
[1] Richter, M. et al. 2010. Do words hurt? Brain activation during the processing of pain-related words. Journal of International Association for the Study of Pain.
[2] Collins, R. 2007. Sexualization of Girls is Linked to Common Mental Health Problems in Girls and Women–Eating Disorders, Low Self-Esteem, and Depression. American Psychological Association.
[3] Smith, B. et al. 2025. Boys, girls, and grades: Examining GPA and SAT trends. American Institute for Boys and Men.
[4] Laishram, L. 2025. Parentification and Its Impact on Resilience and Attachment Styles. International Journal of Research and Analytical Reviews.
Founder & CEO
Originally from the Saginaw, Eagle Mountain area, Austin Davis earned a Bachelor of Science in Pastoral Ministry from Lee University in Cleveland, TN and a Master of Arts in Counseling from The Church of God Theological Seminary. He then went on to become a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor in the State of Texas.
Austin’s professional history includes both local church ministry and clinical counseling. At a young age, he began serving youth at the local church in various capacities which led to clinical training and education. Austin gained a vast knowledge of mental health disorders while working in state and public mental health hospitals. This is where he was exposed to almost every type of diagnosis and carries this experience into the daily treatment.
Austin’s longtime passion is Clearfork Academy, a christ-centered residential facility focused on mental health and substance abuse. He finds joy and fulfillment working with “difficult” clients that challenge his heart and clinical skill set. It is his hope and desire that each resident that passes through Clearfork Academy will be one step closer to their created design.
Austin’s greatest pleasures in life are being a husband to his wife, and a father to his growing children. He serves at his local church by playing guitar, speaking and helping with tech arts. Austin also enjoys being physically active, reading, woodworking, and music.
