Teaching Your Teens: What is Consent?

Teaching your teen consent is not just about defining what consent is, but about learning boundaries, fostering respect, communication, and empathy within relationships and interactions. 

Consent is an active, informed, and freely given “yes” to participate in something—without pressure, manipulation, or impairment. It can be changed or withdrawn at any time.

Help your teen understand consent by breaking it down into clear, relatable terms and using role-playing scenarios or examples they might find themselves in. 

Consent in Practice: Asking, Giving, and Withdrawing 

Teens should think of consent as an active, ongoing, and mutual agreement to engage in an activity, whether it involves partners, friends, or anyone else. Consent can apply to all areas of life, including sexual activity, romantic relationships, friendships, family, and the workplace. It improves the quality of interactions and helps foster respect in relationships. 

Consent is not a simple “yes” or “no”, but a continuous process. It should be clear, informed, and voluntary, and can be withdrawn at any time. Just because someone doesn’t say “no” doesn’t mean it’s a yes! [1]

Asking for Consent 

Asking for consent means consistently communicating “Is this okay?”, “Are you cool with this?”, “Let me know if this is comfortable for you.” It means responding to both verbal and nonverbal cues, looking for signs of hesitation or discomfort, and asking direct, clear questions. 

Silence, pressuring someone, or if they are highly intoxicated, does not count as clear consent. 

Giving Consent 

Teach your teen that when they give consent, it should be because they want to, are fully engaged, and feel respected. Giving consent out of fear, intimidation, or pressure is not truly consent. Use clear expressions like “Yes, I want to,” “Yes, this feels comfortable” or “Let’s do that.” 

Consent should be given during every interaction. Giving consent to someone in the past does not apply to future situations. 

Withdrawing Consent 

Consent can be withdrawn at any time. It’s important for teens to know this so they don’t say “yes” to something and feel like there is no turning back. You’re allowed to say “I think I changed my mind and want to stop,” and this should be met with respect and acceptance. 

When Consent Isn’t Possible 

When explicit consent is not possible, such as due to intoxication or a power imbalance, it does not count. For example, teens who are under the influence of drugs and alcohol may have reduced inhibitions, slurred speech, or even be unconscious and cannot freely give consent. 

In situations where there is a power imbalance (e.g., teacher-student, therapist-patient), consent is often compromised, and in most cases, legal and ethical guidelines prohibit these relationships. 

Consent vs Coercion, Pressure, and Manipulation 

The U.S Department of Health and Human Services defines sexual coercion as “unwanted sexual activity that happens when you are pressured, tricked, threatened, or forced in a non-physical way” [2]. 

This definition of coercion can also be applied to non-sexual activities. It makes the person feel as if engaging in the activity is their duty. If they don’t consent, they may feel shame, guilt, or fear of punishment. 

Coercion often happens in subtle ways that are not always easy to identify with tactics like:

• Peer pressure: “Don’t be weird, just do it.” 

• Guilt tripping: “If you really loved me, you would do this.”  

• Gaslighting: Manipulation tactic where one person causes another to doubt their perception, memory, or sanity. “You already gave me consent.” 

• Ultimatums: “Do this or else.” 

Digital Consent: Sexting, Photos, and Sharing  

Digital consent is a way to refer to sexual or general consent that happens through screens. It means fully agreeing before sharing or receiving content, especially sensitive material such as nudes or sexts. Data shows 1 in 4 teens have received an unsolicited nude image. Teens need to know that sending nude photos or sharing photos of peers is illegal in most states and can lead to child pornography charges [3][4]. 

Teach your teens the importance of being a digital citizen, including respecting the privacy of others online, not sharing personal information, and avoiding cyberbullying. For kids and younger teens, consider using privacy settings, secure passwords, and parental control apps to reduce the risks of harassment or interactions with online strangers. 

How to Teach Consent at Home (Step-by-Step) 

Teaching consent begins at home in your everyday interactions with your teen. Below is a mini step-by-step guide for teaching your teen consent, healthy boundaries, and assertive communication.  

Step 1: Define Consent in Plain Language 

Explain that consent is giving a clear, unpressured “yes” before anything happens, especially related to touch, sharing personal things, or sexual activity. Remind them that at any point, they can say “no” and change their mind. Avoid complex or legal language, and use simple, everyday examples. 

Step 2: Model Everyday Consent

Model consent and emphasize the importance of boundaries in everyday life. Examples might include asking before hugging or borrowing something, or knocking on their door before entering their room. 

Step 3: Practice Scripts and Role-Plays  

Help your teen build confidence with role-playing scenarios where they can practice saying “No” or “I’m not comfortable with that.” Give them examples of common situations they might find themselves in, such as dealing with peer pressure at parties or being pressured to send nude images. 

Step 4: Set Family Rules for Phones, Parties, and Rides 

Create clear boundaries around social situations, technology, and rides to promote safety and avoid risky situations. For example, if they are getting or giving rides, make sure to have them communicate about when they are going to parties or where they are spending their time. 

Step 5: When to Involve A Clinician or Counselor 

If your teen struggles to understand boundaries, consent, or is involved in an abusive relationship, involving a counselor could help. Teens who struggle with consent may have suffered from past trauma or abuse that impacts their communication skills or ability to self-advocate. 

Teach With a Visual: Tea and Consent 

Supporting Teens and Parents at Clearfork Academy 

Clearfork Academy is a network of behavioral health facilities in Texas committed to helping teens recover from behavioral addictions, substance abuse, and mental health disorders. Our licensed and accredited facilities are dedicated to providing comprehensive, evidence-based care and education for parents and caregivers of youth. 

Our family support services include therapy, skill-building workshops, and educational events to help parents and caregivers strengthen their relationships with youth to teach consent, boundaries, respect, and effective communication. Discover how Clearfork Academy can support your teen today.
Contact our admissions team!

Sources 

[1] Office of Student Affairs. What is Consent? Loyola Marymount University. 

[2] NIH. 2009. Research Involving Individuals with Questionable Capacity to Consent. 

[3] Vaughan, E. 2024. NCMEC Releases New Sextortion Data. MissingKids.Org. 

[4] National Sexual Violence Resource Center. Practicing Digital Consent.