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“Essentially, an attachment style is the way in which a person relates to others in relationships,” says Dr. Lindsay Henderson, PsyD. Attachment styles fall into two main categories, secure and insecure, and they are shaped by the relationship one has as an infant with their caregiver [1].
Henderson explains, “When the caregiver is responsive, engaged, and connected with a child from the beginning, that can lead to secure attachment. You can trust the people around you and accept love, and feel secure in how you interact with others in the world.”
Insecure attachment styles, including disorganized attachment, stem from when a caregiver does not consistently meet the needs of the infant, or is absent, neglectful, or abusive. Disorganized attachment in teens can impact their self-esteem, quality of relationships, and contribute to mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression, and isolation. However, healing is possible.
What Is Disorganized Attachment?
If a child perceives their needs are not met or that their caregivers are not emotionally available for attention, affection, or support, they often struggle to form a secure bond and develop an insecure attachment. There are three kinds of insecure attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
Disorganized is often the most complex as it combines traits from both anxious and avoidant attachment styles, causing a “push-pull” effect (one day desiring intense closeness, and the next day pushing people away). It is also referred to as fearful-avoidant attachment.
Teens may want to be close to their friends or partners, and far away from them at the same time, making interactions feel chaotic. Insecure attachments are caused by inconsistent caregiving, where the caregiver switches between being caring, neglectful, or abusive. This is more common in homes where parents suffer from mental health problems or addiction [2][3].
Signs of Disorganized Attachment in Adolescents
Sometimes it can be hard to spot disorganized attachment in teens. Some symptoms appear as mental health challenges like depression and anxiety, or typical teen behaviors such as struggling to control their feelings and having mood swings.
At the core, disorganized attachment affects how teens communicate, form connections, manage relationships, and deal with conflict. They often swing back and forth between anxious attachment style and avoidant attachment. Meaning one day, they desire closeness, and the next, push friends, family, or partners away.
Common signs of disorganized attachment in teens include:
- Fear of rejection, abandonment, or being left behind.
- Mood swings that increase in relationships and are hard to predict.
- Difficulty regulating emotions or controlling feelings.
- Tendency to see others in black and white, all good or all bad.
- Social anxiety and avoidance of social situations.
- Trouble getting close to people and holding long-term relationships.
How Disorganized Attachment Impacts Teen Development
Teens with a disorganized attachment style often struggle with higher levels of loneliness, isolation, shame, guilt, and distrust. This makes it increasingly difficult to form healthy friendships and relationships, which are an essential part of teenage development. Teens expect and are waiting for rejection or disappointment, and this mentality can impact them in several ways, including:
- Increased emotional confusion and mood swings make it hard for teens to self-regulate.
- Shame, guilt, and loneliness can lead to a negative self-image and chronic feelings of emptiness.
- They may withdraw from not just relationships, but activities or school as well, leading to academic decline.
- Often struggle with too rigid or too loose boundaries, increasing the risk of them getting involved in a toxic, unhealthy, or abusive relationship.
- Difficulty regulating emotions or having a stable sense of self can increase impulsive and risky behaviors such as substance abuse, unprotected sex, and self-harm.
- Poor attachment is strongly associated with higher levels of delinquency in teenage boys with behaviors such as theft, vandalism, and violence.
- Emotional instability and isolation caused by disorganized attachment can significantly increase the risk of self-harm and suicidal ideation.
Can Disorganized Attachment Turn Into Secure Attachment?
Healing a disorganized attachment style is possible, and your teen can develop secure attachment through parental support, professional treatment, and daily practices to foster trust, communication, and mutual respect. Having a secure attachment style means your teen feels comfortable with being vulnerable, has a positive self-image, is able to communicate their needs and express their feelings, and can manage conflict or relationship stress.
Here are several ways to strengthen your attachment with your teen:
- Be Available
Make sure you make the time to give your teen attention, even if they are not asking for it. Invite them to hang out or do an activity you both enjoy and can bond over, such as cooking, hiking, or a sport.
This helps reinforce the message that you want to spend time with them, not just because you are their parent, but because you love them. It also teaches teens that no matter what “bad behavior” they have done in the past, nothing can break their connection.
- Compassion and Warmth
Protecting your teen’s safety and well-being is essential, but simply delighting in their presence can go a long way toward supporting their sense of self and security. Be mindful of your interactions through tone and body language.
Give them hugs, a playful smile, or make eye contact when speaking to them in a warm and compassionate tone. This is different from praising them for getting good grades or winning a basketball tournament; it stems from simply loving them for who they are.
- Take an Interest in Their Interests
Teens are in the prime stage of exploring their identities. Sometimes we don’t always like or “agree” with the media they consume, the music they listen to, or the friends they have. But as long as safety is not an issue, it’s important to let them have this freedom to explore their interests, even if they are different from your own.
Ask your teen about what they are listening to or if they have any shows to recommend. Although the primary job is for parents to teach their kids, you will be surprised how much you can learn from your teen when you start tuning into their experiences and interests.
- Model Healthy Attachment and Relationships
Children and teens often learn how to interact with others through observing other adults, such as parents and caregivers. If you struggle with insecure attachment as an adult, it’s helpful to address this in your own life to avoid projecting those feelings onto your teen.
- Set Boundaries and Build Routines
Teens need and often prefer structure, even if they don’t always express it or seem happy about it. Setting rules and limits with your teens helps them feel safe, and studies show that it can lower overall anxiety levels. Predictability gives teens clarity in a growingly chaotic world, helping them develop emotional stability.
Be mindful of things such as having regular family meals, their social media use, and not overscheduling them on weekends to give them autonomy to choose how they spend their free time.
- Professional Treatment
Attachment-based therapies, trauma-informed care, family therapy, and home-based interventions can address instability in relationship patterns between teens and their caregivers.
These approaches help rebuild trust, foster resilience, and help parents and caregivers create a nurturing environment that promotes secure attachment throughout their teenagers’ development. Attachment-focused treatments often target both the teen’s inability to emotionally regulate and the response of the caregiver to end cycles of dysfunction in relationships and improve family functioning.
Support for Teens with Disorganized Attachment Style at Clearfork Academy
Clearfork Academy is a network of behavioral health facilities in Texas committed to helping teens recover from substance abuse disorders and co-occurring mental health challenges. We also provide education to families and communities to support the growth and development of teens.
Our family support services include therapy, skill-building workshops, and educational events to help parents and caregivers strengthen their relationships with youth to foster their success and emotional well-being. Discover how Clearfork Academy can support your teen today. Contact our admissions team!
Sources
[1] Levitan, H. 2022. Disorganized Attachment Style Can Explain Why Some People Run Hot And Cold In Relationships. Women’s Health.
[2] Schindler A. (2019). Attachment and Substance Use Disorders: Theoretical Models, Empirical Evidence, and Implications for Treatment. Frontiers in psychiatry, 10, 727.
[3] Brumariu, L. (2014). Is Insecure Parent-Child Attachment a Risk Factor for the Development of Anxiety in Childhood or Adolescence?. Child development perspectives, 8(1), 12–17.
Austin Davis, LPC-S
Founder & CEO
Originally from the Saginaw, Eagle Mountain area, Austin Davis earned a Bachelor of Science in Pastoral Ministry from Lee University in Cleveland, TN and a Master of Arts in Counseling from The Church of God Theological Seminary. He then went on to become a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor in the State of Texas. Austin’s professional history includes both local church ministry and clinical counseling. At a young age, he began serving youth at the local church in various capacities which led to clinical training and education. Austin gained a vast knowledge of mental health disorders while working in state and public mental health hospitals. This is where he was exposed to almost every type of diagnosis and carries this experience into the daily treatment.
Austin’s longtime passion is Clearfork Academy, a christ-centered residential facility focused on mental health and substance abuse. He finds joy and fulfillment working with “difficult” clients that challenge his heart and clinical skill set. It is his hope and desire that each resident that passes through Clearfork Academy will be one step closer to their created design. Austin’s greatest pleasures in life are being a husband to his wife, and a father to his growing children. He serves at his local church by playing guitar, speaking and helping with tech arts. Austin also enjoys being physically active, reading, woodworking, and music.
