What to Say (And Not to Say) to A Depressed Teenager

Let’s be real, talking about depression can feel overwhelming. Especially for teens who may have trouble expressing their feelings about such a personal issue. This can feel embarrassing or shameful due to stigma, family culture, and a lack of education about depression. 

It’s important to foster a safe space for teens so they feel comfortable to come to you in times of need. Teens struggling with depression may repress their feelings and isolate themselves. This can increase symptoms and make their depression worse. 

Educating yourself on the topic is a helpful first step to help build an open line of communication with your teen, making it easier for them to open up with loved ones and reach out for help.   

Understanding Teen Depression 

It’s normal for adolescents to feel sad and go through mood swings. However, teens with depression experience feelings that go above and beyond typical teen angst, making it difficult to function.  

Depression is clinically known as Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). It causes ongoing low mood, sadness, fatigue, and other symptoms that can make it difficult to participate in daily tasks. It is one of the most common mental health disorders, affecting up to 15% of teens in the United States. 

As a parent, it can be difficult to understand why your teen is depressed. There is not always a direct reason, but common causes of teen depression include: 

• Genetics and family history of depression 
• External stressors (academics, bullying, unstable home environment) 
• Trauma such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse 
• Low self-esteem 
• Physical health problems that disrupt chemicals in the brain (autoimmune disease, medical injury) 

Recognizing Signs of Depression in Teens 

Sometimes depression can manifest as physical symptoms or other mental health disorders. Depression is diagnosed when one experiences five or more of the following symptoms over two weeks. 

• Ongoing feelings of sadness
• Fatigue
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
• Irritability or aggression 
• Changes in sleep/appetite 
• Anxiety
• Slowed thinking, speech, or motor skills
• Feeling worthless
• Trouble focusing or decision-making
• Physical problems without a direct cause, such as stomach pain or headaches
• Thoughts of suicide or self-harm  

How To Approach Teen Depression As A Parent 

Creating a space in the home where teens feel comfortable to talk about their mental health can go a long way. Parents should invite their teens to talk about how they are feeling, while also modeling positive mental health habits in their own lives. 

Some things parents can do to support their teens include: 

• Have open conversations about mental health in the home
• Let your teen know it’s okay to be depressed and doesn’t make them weak or a burden
• Educate yourself on teen depression, understanding that it’s a real illness of the brain 
• Help your teen build a self-care routine 
• Promote mindfulness in the home that encourages healthy stress reduction (journaling, meditation, self-help books) 
• Encourage them to get involved socially
• Spend quality time with your teen doing an activity you both enjoy (walking the dog, bike riding, trying new foods, watching a movie or Netflix series) 

What Not To Say To A Depressed Teen 

Sometimes parents can say things intending to be helpful but instead, their teen feels dismissed or unheard and then their teen out shuts them out. This is usually not intentional, but it’s important to keep in mind depressed teens can feel extra sensitive. 

Parents or loved ones with no experience of depression themselves may give responses that add stigma to the condition. Some of these include: 

• “Everyone gets sad”
• “You have nothing to be depressed over” 
• “Be more grateful”
• “Focus on the positive” 
• “You have a good life, what are you depressed about?” 

There is no simply snapping out of depression, and teens don’t always need a reason to be depressed. 

What You Should Do Instead 

If your teen is experiencing symptoms of depression, it is important to connect with a mental health provider that can teach them positive coping skills and prevent symptoms from worsening. 

There are several effective treatments that exist for depressed teens. Some of the approaches below can help manage symptoms to take the burden off going through depression alone.  

• Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches teens to reframe negative thinking, set goals, and build healthy coping skills. 
• Medication can help manage symptoms such as problems sleeping, appetite, and low mood. 
• Recreational therapies can help depressed teens feel grounded and connect with their senses. It can boost self-esteem and wellness. These could include art, dance, drama, and music therapy. 
• Support groups provide a no-shame zone to talk openly about their depression and let teens connect with others their age who are experiencing similar problems. This can decrease feelings of isolation. 

Seeking Professional Help

If you identify warning signs of depression in your teen, reach out for professional support to help find the best plan of treatment. 

At Clearfork Academy our team of compassionate, licensed therapists understands the complex nature of mental health disorders in teens. Reach out to our Admissions team to learn more. 

Sources 

Depression in Children. 2023.  National Library of Medicine. 

State of Mental Health in America Youth Data. 2022. Mental Health America.